Nothing Personal Read online

  "You're a virgin."

  Could the day get any worse? How much more humiliation could she suffer? She nodded, mortified that he'd figured it out without her admission.

  "Good God, Faith, why?"

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  Jaci Burton

  "I was waiting."

  "For what? The next millennium?"

  For what, indeed. For a man, obviously. She'd never even had a serious boyfriend. She'd tried the dating thing a few times, but failed miserably.

  And now, hearing it from Ryan, she felt more than a little ridiculous.

  A twenty-six-year-old virgin. About to marry a man who had probably bedded more women than she cared to know about.

  "I was waiting for love. For the right man. I don't know. I was just waiting." She stood and walked to the window, the lights of Las Vegas mocking her. They were towering glitz and glamour, offering up every delicious sin available to anyone who wanted it. She was short, plain and undesirable, with absolutely nothing of value to offer.

  He stepped behind her, his breath blowing against her neck. "Don't be embarrassed. It's endearing. Refreshing, actually."

  "It's pathetic." She felt miserable, not endearing. Something so personal, so intimate, and of all the people in the world to find out about it, it had to be Ryan.

  He touched her shoulders lightly, and sparks flew. A shock, a tingle and then heat.

  "It's not pathetic. Turn around and look at me."

  She couldn't. He forced her by gently turning her shoulders. She lifted her lashes, expecting to see the ridicule in his eyes, but found only compassion. And interest.

  "I think you need to consider this proposal more seriously." He looked at his watch for the millionth time in the past hour. "I don't want you to do something you'll regret."

  He was giving her an out. She could decline the offer and still keep her job.

  But in five years she'd never let Ryan McKay down. And she wasn't going to let a silly thing like her virginity stand in the way. Besides, wasn't it about time she had a life? Granted, this wasn't quite what she 14

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  had in mind, but it beat sitting in her apartment reading books every night.

  So he didn't love her. So what? Did she have a better offer sitting on the table at the moment? Any prospects? Hardly. And this was her chance to gain a little experience--check that--knowing what she knew about Ryan, a lot of experience, in the sex department. She had nothing to lose, and everything to gain. As long as she remembered that this was a business deal only. As long as she remembered to guard her heart.

  "There's nothing further to consider, Mr. McKay. As you stated, this is strictly business. Let's go back to the contract, shall we?"

  "Are you sure?"

  She nodded quickly before she changed her mind. At Ryan's suggestion, they moved to the table in the center of the expansive living area and spread the contract over the large glass top.

  She recited the terms she already knew all too well. They sounded completely different when she related them to herself. "We have to stay married for one year, and during that time we must sleep together in the same bedroom." She forced herself to block out the images of his hands, his mouth, his body.

  "Correct."

  "And I have to become pregnant within that year."

  "Right. If no pregnancy occurs, we have to spend another year together and undergo fertility testing until you conceive. And if you can't by then, we divorce, you get a settlement, and this whole search-for-a-bride circus starts all over again for me."

  He'd stated the terms so impersonally, yet Faith knew how much this whole charade bothered him. More than once over the past year he'd ranted to her about his manipulating grandfather. If he'd wanted a wife, he'd told her, he'd have damn well gone out and found one himself.

  "I'm just going to have to hope you can bear children," he added.

  Faith shrugged. "Obviously, I have no idea. And you have to be able to...um ..."

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  Jaci Burton

  "Provide the fertilizer?" He offered a wry smile. "I'd already looked into that as a possible loophole. If I were sterile, this entire deal would be off.

  Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I have plenty of strong swimmers in me."

  Faith chose to ignore the implications of that statement and focused instead on the contract. "Who will monitor our marriage?"

  Ryan's eyes darkened with his frown. "My cousin, James, who stands to inherit the business if I fail, as well as grandfather's attorney, Stan Fredericks. They'll be shadowing us like a couple of PI's in a bad Bogart movie. Watching our every move, making sure we sleep in the same room, insuring we're always together."

  Wonderful. It would be like living with a camera in her face for the next year. "And if you travel, I have to go with you."

  "That's right. As will James and Stan. And don't forget, we have to appear before the board every month to report on the state of our marriage."

  "Yes, I remember that part." She handed the paper back to him. "And the child we create. You want no part of it."

  He nodded. "I don't want a child, nor do I need a family. This whole ordeal is because my grandfather had some misguided notion while on his deathbed that he needed to redeem himself. And so he thought he could show me the love he never had by forcing me into a marriage I don't want, and require me to have a child I have no intention of raising."

  Ryan shrugged and turned to the window. He was so tired of playing this ridiculous game. And now he'd had to draw Faith into it.

  She was the only one who understood and accepted him. Who had no expectations of him. Unlike his grandfather.

  As if Quentin McKay had even known what love was. His grandfather had never shown even a glimpse of it to the frightened eight-year-old boy whose father had died and whose mother decided she'd rather play socialite than parent.

  He'd witnessed the loveless marriage of both his parents and his grandparents, and never wanted to personally experience it himself. Now 16

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  his grandfather was forcing him to do the same thing--marry for anything but love. This was Quentin McKay's way of making amends?

  "I'm sorry." Faith's soft voice brought him back to reality. He turned toward her and offered a smile. She'd always made him feel better.

  Marriage to Faith for a year would be easy. Despite the dowdy outfits and huge glasses she wore, and the way she tried to hide her sable hair in those horrid buns, she was attractive.

  Not beautiful like Erica, but then again Erica was so remote she was practically untouchable. If she hadn't been so hungry for the settlement money she'd have never entertained the notion of marrying him. It wasn't like she'd agreed to the marriage out of any caring or love for him.

  But Faith? She would do it because she was loyal to him. Dedicated, and with a shy quality that Ryan found foreign in his usual social circle.

  She oozed desirability in a way that had nothing to do with expensive clothes, artfully applied makeup or pedigree.

  Faith was genuine, honest and caring. And a natural beauty. The thought of making love to her ran through his mind. And not simply for the act of procreation. He could already imagine unlocking the secrets she tried so hard to hide away.

  He'd caught glimpses of them. The way she looked at him when she thought he wasn't looking. The way her eyes lit up when he entered a room. Her willingness to do anything to help him with the business. The way her voice softened when she spoke to him.

  "Are you certain you're willing to sign away rights to our child?"

  The harsh reality of her question shook him out of his fantasies of making love to her. What would he do with a child? Treat it the way he'd been treated? He'd never put a child through what he'd been through.

  What had he been thinking asking Erica to marry hi
m? What kind of mother would she have made? The same kind of father he'd make, no doubt. That was the problem with this deal. He hadn't been thinking straight--not since he'd been read the terms of his grandfather's will.

  Ryan had already accepted the fact that he didn't have the capacity to love. He'd had no loving role models. No, he wasn't cut out to be a www.samhainpublishing.com 17

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  father. He felt a twinge, something unfamiliar as he looked at Faith and imagined that pixie smile on a tiny boy. His boy. Theirs.

  Quickly and coldly he banished the image from his mind and addressed Faith's question. She, at least, would be a good mother to the child they created. That eased his conscience somewhat.

  "I'll sign away rights and you'll get a handsome settlement, full support and expenses for the rest of the child's life. You'll be well taken care of financially, Faith. You and your child."

  Faith studied him, his voice so cold and detached. He couldn't even refer to the baby they'd make as their child or his child. Even in this, she'd be alone. Like she'd always been. Unwanted, unloved. With a child whose father didn't love or want it. Could she do that?

  Then again, this child would have a mother who did love and want it.

  That's where things would be different. She'd give her child all the love she'd never received from her own mother. And twice that amount to equal its missing father.

  "There's also the money," he continued. "Don't forget about the five million dollar settlement you'll receive when the marriage ends. You and your child will never want for anything."

  "Money isn't relevant. I have everything I need right now." The things she'd craved, had always desired, had very little to do with money.

  So why was she contemplating doing this? To help Ryan, of course.

  She'd do anything for him, and always had. That was her job, wasn't it?

  Face it. Her job was her life. She was pathetic.

  "It all sounds fine, Mr. McKay."

  "I think it's time you called me Ryan."

  "All right. Ryan." How strange, after all these years, to call him by his first name.

  "Then it's settled."

  "Umm, there's just one more thing."

  He waited.

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  The sex thing still nagged at her. She was hesitant to broach the subject, but the mere thought of it caused nausea to rise up in her throat. She had to bring it up. "Before we continue, we need to discuss the sex part."

  "What about the sex part?"

  How was she going to approach this? She'd never asked Ryan McKay for anything the entire time she'd worked for him. And now she was going to mess with his intentions for this agreement.

  "Sex is something I don't take lightly. It means something to me. A sharing of feelings, of deep emotion."

  His eyes narrowed and turned an icy gray. "I don't have feelings, Faith. For you or anyone else. Don't mistake any physical desire I may show as emotion or caring. You'll only end up hurting yourself."

  She'd already surmised that, even though his nearness unnerved her, awakened yearnings she'd never had before. He was right about biology and sex. She could already picture them naked together, their bodies entwined in a ritual older than both of them. But not tonight.

  "I know. But still, I'd like a little time. It may be purely physical and unemotional for you, Ryan, but sex will never be that way for me. I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready."

  Ryan looked at his watch, his face drawn into a hard line. Guilt punched her in the gut. She'd disappointed him. But what could she do?

  "What kind of time frame are you talking about?" he asked.

  How about forever? Okay, that wasn't realistic. But she'd take as much as he would give. She needed time to figure out how she could allow him to make love to her without leaving feelings behind when it was over. "Three months."

  "I had hoped to have you pregnant in three months."

  She'd always been impressed by his confidence. "I'm sorry, but I just can't do it right away. Everything else in the agreement looks fine. But I have to have three months."

  "I'll give you two."

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  Two months. At least it would buy her some time to adjust. "Fine.

  Two months."

  "Do we have an agreement?"

  Not quite the proposal of marriage Faith had always dreamed of, but then again her life hadn't turned out like she'd imagined either. "Yes, I'll marry you."

  "Great. I'll get Stan up here right away with a new contract."

  Cell phone against his ear, he'd already dismissed her. Not surprising. She knew what she was getting into when she agreed to this, so she shouldn't be disappointed at the lack of romance in his proposal.

  This was the way their marriage would be, and she'd made the bargain with her eyes wide open.

  After all, to Ryan it was nothing personal. But to Faith, it was much more. She had just agreed to sign over her life, and if she wasn't careful, her heart, to Ryan McKay.

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  Chapter Two

  Faith pored over the wedding dresses the ladies from the boutique had brought over. The last hour had been a whirlwind of activities, from signing the contract to selecting a dress. She wanted to pinch herself to be certain this wasn't all a dream--some fantasy she'd concocted in her mind about the wedding she'd always wanted but never thought she'd have.

  She glanced at Ryan. He seemed perfectly at ease, leaning against the bar and sipping a drink. "How did they know what sizes to bring?" she asked.

  He shrugged, clearly uninterested in the dress selection. "I looked at you and made a guess."

  Good guess. But how had he known? She thought he never looked at her. She felt his eyes on her now, watching as she chose a dress.

  The sequin and pearl tulle gown she selected had a satin bodice and dropped shoulders. The waist was snug and led to a bell skirt that looked like something Cinderella would wear. The veil had a tiara with the same pearls and sequins as the dress.

  As a child she'd dreamed of her wedding day--what little girl hadn't?

  Never in her wildest imaginings would it have been anything this grand.

  She was the princess on her way to the ball. There was even a handsome prince waiting for her.

  The ladies of the boutique laid out a selection of shoes, stockings and undergarments. Faith selected a pair of satin pumps and some decadent silk underthings. Not like she had much choice. Didn't these people make anything out of cotton?

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  Ryan approached her. "I've made arrangements for the court clerk to issue our marriage license immediately. You've got about a half hour to get ready. I'll be back to get you." He placed his empty glass on the bar and headed toward the door.

  She nodded and he left. So much for acting the part of the prince. It was time to get a grip. This was business, not a fairy tale. And she had a half hour to turn from dowdy secretary to blushing bride. It was a good thing her hair was already up and she didn't wear makeup.

  Elma and Vivian from the bridal shop offered to stay and help her dress. She was grateful, because her hands shook so badly she couldn't have buttoned a thing. The tiny pearl buttons from the scoop back all the way down below her rear end were impossible for her to reach. She'd have never gotten into it by herself.

  As she slipped on the strapless satin bra, Faith was embarrassed that Ryan had guessed at her small cup size. She released a wistful sigh at her minimal dimensions and silently thanked Ryan for helping her avoid the mortification of having to stuff socks in some dress that was too big. She'd stopped doing that when she was twelve after her mother found out and chastised her for trying to be something she wasn't.

  After the women left, Faith took a couple minutes to stare at her
reflection in the suite's mirrored closet doors. She couldn't believe the transformation. The dress fit as if it had been sewed on her. The skirt was full, with seed pearls and rhinestones sprinkled throughout the tulle netting like fairy dust. The bodice was tight and with the bra she'd chosen at least pushed her tiny breasts up enough to generate a modicum of cleavage. It was low cut, but not enough that she'd need a stapler to hold it to her chest.

  The women had insisted on a little makeup despite Faith's objections.

  Admittedly, they'd been right. At least she now had some color in her cheeks. Before, she'd looked less like a bride and more like a prisoner about to be led to the gallows.

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  "Okay, Faith," she said to her reflection. "This is the best you can do with what God gave you. I hope you don't disappoint your husband-to-be."

  "Believe me. I'm not disappointed."

  She whirled at the sound of Ryan's voice. "I didn't see you there," she said, feeling like she'd been caught playing dress up in someone else's clothes.

  Her heart raced at the sight of him, so elegantly perfect in his well-tailored tux that she forgot to breathe. The crisp white shirt made a sharp contrast against his tanned face and neck.

  His eyes never left hers as he lifted her hand. A rush of anxiety fluttered deep within her that had little to do with stressful business arrangements or marriages of convenience.

  "You look beautiful." His voice vibrated through her nerve endings and she went from heated to shivering in an instant.

  But he was just being polite. Clothes couldn't change her looks, but she appreciated the attempt. "Thank you," she replied. "So do you."

  He laughed then, deep and masculine, and her body tingled in response.

  "But something's missing from your wardrobe."

  "It is?" Faith looked down. She had the dress, shoes, underwear.

  Everything seemed perfectly in place.

  "Yes. This." Ryan drew a black velvet box out of his breast pocket.

  Faith looked up at him, uncertain what to do. He opened the box to reveal a diamond choker that had to be worth a fortune. Surely he didn't mean those for her.

  "Are these on loan from Lucy's?"

  "No, they're my wedding gift to you. Turn around."

  A wedding gift. She hadn't expected it, and couldn't stop her heart from soaring. Could this fairy tale be real?

  Faith turned to face the mirror, watching as Ryan took the necklace out of the box and held the clasps in each hand. He reached around her www.samhainpublishing.com 23