The Darkest Touch dh-3 Page 17

  “I’m sorry, Isabelle.”

  Izzy shrugged. “I’ve read it so many times it no longer hurts me.”

  That was a lie, and Angelique knew better than anyone how well Isabelle could mask her emotions. “Mother loved you.”

  “I guess she must have, because I’m still alive. We both are. But how could she have allowed us to live, knowing what our father was?”

  Angelique’s head was spinning. She had no answers, only a million questions. Isabelle had always come to her to solve her problems. This time, she had no solution.

  “Because she would have loved us no matter what. No matter who or what the man who fathered us was, we were also part of her.” That much she knew was true.

  “I think she just blocked it out and pretended he was someone else.”

  “That’s not true, Izzy. Look at what she wrote in her diary. It’s obvious she knew exactly what he was, or at least that he wasn’t. .normal. It doesn’t sound like she repressed any memories at all, only that she was confused, and a little afraid of what happened. The good thing is she had us, we’re here, we’re human. At least so far.” God, she hated even thinking it. What kind of blood ran in her veins?

  “May I see the diary?” Michael asked.

  “Sure, why not? It’s not like I have any secrets anymore.” Isabelle lifted it over her head and Michael took it from her.

  “Thank you,” Michael said. “I can assure you that any information given to anyone within the Realm of Light is kept in the strictest confidence. Your secret will remain safe with us.”

  “It’s true,” Mandy said. “You have nothing to fear from any of us, Isabelle. Most people don’t even know we exist. We live with secrets every day. Yours is only one of them.”

  “Thanks. If you don’t mind, I have a killer headache. It’s been a long couple days. Is there someplace I can lie down?”

  Angelique started to say she’d take her upstairs, but Dalton said it first.

  “I’ll take you. I’ve been here before. I’ll find us some rooms.”

  Isabelle nodded, then looked to Angelique. “We’ll talk in a bit.”

  “Okay. Get some rest.”

  After they left, Michael wandered off, his face buried in her mother’s journal. Mandy and Trace excused themselves to do some weaponry inventory, leaving her alone with Ryder.

  “Are you okay with all this?” he asked as soon as the rest of them left.

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. Actually, I feel. . contaminated.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s like I’m less than human. Maybe I knew this was coming, especially after what happened at the cottage. I just didn’t want to believe it.”

  He stood, approached her. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re no different now than you were five minutes before the contents of your mother’s diary were revealed.”

  She backed away from him. She wasn’t ready to discuss this. “I’m tired. I’m going to my room. I need to think.” She skirted around him, fleeing up to her room and shutting the door. She sat on the bed and stared out the window, feeling numb all over.

  Less than a minute later, Ryder walked in and shut the door behind him.

  “Don’t you knock?”

  “Sometimes.” He came over to the bed and sat next to her.

  “Go away, Ryder. I need to be alone.”

  “No, you don’t. Not now.”

  “You have no idea what I need. Can’t you give me five minutes to process this by myself?”

  “Why? So you can sit here alone and have the time to convince yourself that you’re worthless because you have demon blood running through your veins?”

  She hated that he voiced what she was thinking. “You have no idea how I feel.”

  “Don’t I? I might not have demon blood in me, but my father’s blood is there.”

  “He was human.”

  Ryder snorted. “Was he? I’m not sure about that. And this isn’t about me. Look at Derek and Nic. They’re half demons.”

  “And?”

  “They function normally as humans. They can control their demon side. You’ll be able to do the same.”

  She’d forgotten about the two brothers who were half demons. They were both so normal in appearance, so human in every way, yet she’d seen them in action. They could almost call out the demon side of themselves at will, and then tuck it away again, becoming perfectly normal.

  Was there hope for her, too?

  “Gina and Shay love Derek and Nic, you know.”

  Her gaze whipped up to his. “I know.” She’d seen the couples together. Shay and Gina, human women in love with demon men.

  “They accept their men, even though they’re partially demon.”

  Her throat went dry. Was he trying to tell her something? “What’s your point, Ryder?”

  His eyes were so dark, like a warm whiskey, she felt herself go hot all over. Especially when he didn’t say anything, just looked at her. .

  He cleared his throat. She waited.

  “You should never think of yourself as unworthy,” he finally said. “Of anything. You saved my life back at the cottage. You could turn in to one hell of a demon hunter someday. The Realm of Light can use someone like you in its ranks.”

  So not what she thought he was going to say. Not. At. All. Disappointment and embarrassment flushed heat through her body. She’d wanted his acceptance, to hear that he didn’t care if she had demon blood in her. She wanted to hear that he would still care about her.

  He could talk about others falling in love with half demons, but that didn’t include him. He could never do that. Obviously he couldn’t get past the fact she was part demon.

  Oh, he could fuck her. No problem there. But he’d never love her.

  “Thanks for your advice,” she said, standing up and moving toward the door. She had to get him out of here before she embarrassed herself further by dissolving into tears. “I’ll talk to Michael about a possible career with the Realm of Light.”

  Ryder stood and approached the door she held open, frowning. “Is something wrong?”

  “Not at all. I’m just tired. And I need to go talk to my sister. She’s upset.”

  He reached for her, but she took a step back.

  “Angie-”

  “Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, Ryder. But there are things I need to do.” She motioned to the hallway, hoping she wouldn’t have to come right out and ask him to leave her room. She was barely holding it together.

  He gave her a curt nod and walked out. She shut the door and leaned her back against it, hating the hot splash of tears that fell from her face.

  Stupid. God, she was so stupid. Was she really expecting a declaration of love from Ryder?

  Yeah, right. He thought she might make a great demon hunter.

  Why didn’t she ever listen to her mother and be more cautious with her heart?

  She sank down the door and sat on the floor, drawing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs.

  Too much. There had been too much revelation lately, and she couldn’t handle any more.

  She laid her chin on her knee and stared at the dust motes swimming in the beam of sunlight shining on the floor.

  Oh, to be that free, that mindless. She was tired of responsibility, would love to run away and forget all of this.

  But she couldn’t. Because of Isabelle. Izzy needed her. She was always the strong one. And she needed that strength now more than ever.

  There was no one for her to lean on.

  She needed to stop feeling sorry for herself and go talk to her sister. God only knew what must be going through Isabelle’s mind right now. What was she thinking after reading Mother’s diary, knowing the concerns their mother had about Isabelle?

  Izzy was in trouble. And in danger. There was a reason Bart hadn’t been able to use Angelique in the caves in Australia, a reason she hadn’t been able to empower the black diamond.

  Maybe that was because the
dominant demon blood was in Isabelle, not her. She didn’t really understand it since they were twins, but there was nothing normal about either of them. Izzy had always been different.

  And maybe Bart had wanted Isabelle all along, and had just chosen the wrong sister.

  Angelique had always known this, though she hadn’t wanted to believe it was true. Now she knew the fact and the reason why.

  She also knew what she had to do-use all her power to protect her sister, even if it meant betraying the Realm of Light-and Ryder.

  Again.

  The first thing she had to do was assess Isabelle’s state of mind, get her sister calmed down and under control, and let her know that she was loved.

  She couldn’t assure Isabelle she was going to be okay. Not until she understood the capacity of their powers. Even Angelique didn’t understand that yet.

  Time, and maybe a few tests of their skills, would show what she and her sister were capable of. Angelique refused to live in fear.

  But she knew this much-no one was going to hurt her sister.

  No one.

  And speaking of her sister, she needed to go talk to her. It would help take her mind off feeling sorry for herself, too. She washed her face, brushed her hair, and changed clothes, then felt a lot better.

  Time to worry about Isabelle. That was always good for a distraction.

  She found Izzy’s room, knocked on the door, and opened it. They’d never stood on ceremony with each other. She figured Isabelle would know she’d be coming in soon anyway. The room was dark, the drapes closed. Isabelle sat in a chair near an old stone fireplace. Angelique slid into the chair on the other side of the hearth.

  “What are you thinking?”

  Isabelle was silent for a few seconds. “I’m trying not to think. All I’ve been doing for the past six months is thinking. I’m tired of it.”

  “Is that how long you’ve had Mother’s diary?”

  “Yes.”

  “Where did you find it?”

  “Do you remember when she died, we divvied up her personal things?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I always loved her hatboxes.”

  Angelique’s lips curled at the childhood memory. “I remember.”

  “So you let me take all her hatboxes, because the designs were so pretty. I put them away at the top of the closet in my apartment. For years they sat there. You know I’m never at home.”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Anyway, last year I decided to go home because I needed a break, wanted to catch up on paperwork and to plan the next year’s activities. While there I decided to clean out the closet in the guest bedroom, and I came across Mother’s hats. I’d never even opened the boxes. I was in a nostalgic mood that day, so I took all the boxes down from the shelf and opened them up, one by one. Underneath her favorite purple hat-you remember the one she got in London?”

  “Yes, I do.” The bittersweet memories brought tears to Angelique’s eyes. She remembered their mother wearing that hat. It was a pretty hat, purple velvet with yellow feathers sticking straight up. But Mother had claimed she loved it best out of all her hats. In fact, she’d made a pointed effort to tell Angelique to take her hats. Angelique had brushed it off, knowing how much Izzy had loved Mother’s hats, so she’d let her sister have them.

  Maybe Mother had made that request because she never intended for Isabelle to find the diary. She’d wanted Angelique to find it, to read it, to understand and possibly help her sister.

  “The diary was tucked inside the purple hat,” Isabelle continued. “I had no idea what it was, so I opened it up and started reading it. I was so surprised that Mother kept a diary. I never knew.”

  “Neither did I.”

  “I sat on the floor and read the entire thing, cover to cover. And then I read it again.”

  “You’re certain it’s genuine.”

  Isabelle nodded. “It’s our mother’s handwriting without a doubt. I don’t need to have it authenticated. Besides, no one had access to the hatboxes except you and me. We took possession of her things right after she died, and I brought the boxes to my apartment, where they’ve been ever since.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me, Isabelle? Why didn’t you call me right away when you found it?”

  Isabelle frowned, rubbed two fingers across her brow. “And tell you what? That we were children of a demon? I wasn’t sure you’d believe me, and why would I share that burden with you? I wish I didn’t know.”

  Angelique leaned forward and clasped her hands together. “We’re sisters, Iz. We’re family. You didn’t have to bear this burden alone.”

  “I tried not to think about it at all. I shoved the diary in my luggage and went back to work. But eventually I read it again. And then I read it every night, questioning myself, questioning Mother, my entire life. Some of the things Mother said about me in there-Angie, I don’t even remember doing those things.”

  Angelique moved to Isabelle’s chair, crawling into it, folding her sister into her arms. She hugged her close and brushed her hand over her hair. “Oh, Izzy. I’m so sorry. I wish you had told me.”

  She rocked her sister for a few minutes, reminded of their childhood, of holding each other in the dark when one of them had nightmares.

  “It’s not you, Angie. You’re not bad. It’s me.”

  Angelique pulled back, searching Isabelle’s face. “What?”

  “I’m evil. Mother said so.”

  “No, she didn’t say that.”

  “Yes, she did. She wanted you to watch me. She said I was dark. She was worried about me. I’m the bad twin, you’re the good twin.”

  “That’s not true at all. I think Mother was worried about your unorthodox methods of archaeology. You know she was a purist. She wanted to make sure you didn’t besmirch the family name by raising the Titanic and selling it on eBay.”

  Isabelle laughed. “Probably. Though I can’t help but think she suspected I had an evil streak.”

  “You did pull my hair a lot.”

  “Because you were such a Goody Two-shoes.”

  Angelique grinned. “And you were a brat.”

  “You were just jealous because you didn’t know how to be bad.”

  “Oh, I think when the two of us got together, we could be very, very bad.”

  Isabelle giggled, the same way she used to when they were little. “So true.”

  Now that Isabelle’s spirits were lightened, it was time to keep her positive and upbeat. “See? There’s nothing different about you, Izzy. Or about me.” Though that wasn’t necessarily true. She just wasn’t ready to tell Isabelle about what had happened to her at the cottage, about how she’d changed.

  “We can’t deny our parentage.”

  “No, but having demon blood doesn’t define who we are. There are people within the Realm of Light who have demon blood. And they’ve learned to live with that side of themselves.”

  Isabelle looked away. “I’m not sure I can. Now that I know what I am, I realize that what I had always felt inside me could be this demon blood.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Her sister pushed off the chair and walked to the window, fingering the drape pulls. “I’ve always felt. . different.” She turned and looked at Angelique. “Haven’t you?”

  “No.”

  “Well, I have. And Mother always watched me. She looked at me differently than she looked at you.”

  Angelique rose and walked to the window, drawing open the drapes to let the sunlight in. “That’s because you were always in trouble, brat.”

  Isabelle’s lips lifted in a wry smile. “It was more than that. There’s something inside me, Angie. Something dark pulling at me. I feel it. I always have. I was the one in trouble at school. And I. . miss time.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Episodes where I feel like I’ve fallen asleep. Where I’m one place and wake up somewhere else. It’s weird.”

  “You never told me abo
ut this.”

  “The fire Mother talked about in her diary? When we were on that dig in Africa? It happened then. I was playing in our bungalow, but I woke up in front of the burning bungalow, a pack of matches in my hand.”

  Dear God. Chills broke out on Angelique’s skin.

  “What did Mother say?”

  “She just gathered me up, bathed me, and put me to bed. Nothing was ever said. I was young. Confused. I didn’t make the connection. Mother said the fire woke us all. But I think I started that fire, that I deliberately tried to kill that family, Angie.”